photo cred. Umit Bulu on Unsplash
Parenthood changes you. And when your son or daughter has a history of bad choices, struggles with addiction, a mental illness or with their sexual orientation, being a parent can be life-changing. When their world looks like it’s on a downward path to destruction you feel like yours is too. tomorrow is New Year’s Day. As many of your friends set goals for the coming year, thinking about what they want to see happen, your only goal is for your child to stay alive, be restored to you and your family, and resolve their issues.
Looking ahead for you is scary. Where my daughter was concerned, I tried not to look too far ahead for a long trime–over 15 years. If you can relate, then I have a word for you, a New Year’s gift for every hurting parent … HOPE.
Hope that God is there, with you and with your child. It’s not too late for a new beginning.
The living God, Creator of the universe, is present in your grief. He’s in the pain and the chaos as your source of hope and help and comfort. He himself is our Hope, our Helper, Comforter, and Advocate.
On your bad days, the I-can’t-believe-this-is-my-life days, are you still convinced He loves you … and your child? He does.
In your darkest times, can you see His light?
In your most intense suffering, do you know His peace?
When you sink in a deep pit, can you feel His hand?
And when you’ve almost given up, will you breathe in His hope-filled strength?
His face shines on you. Do you believe it?
His light permeates the shadows, piercing the darkness that closes in on your soul. Will you open your heart to Him?
The pain He endured on the cross brought you perfect peace. His. Peace. Can this be true?
He’s by your side. Your broken heart breaks His. He weeps with you.
He’s in the slimy, smelly hole you fell into; the darkest black you can’t see your way out of. You’re not sure you could ever recover.
But wait …
God’s gift of resilienct hope replaces despair. He obliterates hopelessness like a chalkboard wiped clean. Oh, what His heavenly touch can do.
Dear friend, the Almighty God of hope will be with you throughout all of the coming year, the same as He was this past year and the one before that. He’s ready and eager to help. He wants to guide you to find your way. He’s your Rock of refuge; your lifeline today, tomorrow, and forever. Will you accept His help? He extends the same offer to your child. I pray they will accept His help too.
When troubles of all kinds take your child away, the only course I know to take is to keep giving them back to the One who gave them to you in the first place. In every storm keep trusting Him. Bring Him your child and your deadened soul. He can make your heart beat again. He can bring you back to life and give you a wonderful gift – HOPE.
photo cred. Canva
Press On
Hope is what we all need to press on.
In my book, You Are Not Alone: Hope for Hurting Parents of Troubled Kids, I wrote, “Are you focusing on what isn’t happening in your child’s life? On your dissatisfaction, disappointments, and shattered dreams? Or on what could happen in yours? You get to choose.”
Since we have no control over our children, let’s make the choice to focus on God: on who He is, on what He can do for us and in us. This is our real hope. Our indestructible hope. Our sustaining hope.
This Bible verse strengthens hope in my heart:
I remember my affliction … the bitterness … I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me. Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness (Lamentations 3: 19-23) NIV.
Pray with me: Dear God, thank you for the gift of hope for my hurting heart. I trust that You are still good and loving. I beleive You can make my heart beat again. Hope is exactly what I need as I face another year on this hard and painful journey with my child. When I struggle to keep going, on the verge of giving up, don’t let me forget Your great love and compassion or Your enduring faithfulness. What beautiful lifelines they are. I thank you with all my heart for this New Year’s gift. In Jesus’ name, Emmanuel, the Messiah, who came so that all of this could be possible. Amen.
Thank you for this post today. I really appreciate it. I’m going to try and share it with my husband. We’ve struggled with my daughter for years. She is doing better than she has in years. But has yet to give her life back to the Lord or fully surrender to treatment for her mental health. It’s a constant worry of when she will slip down the slope. My husband is not a follower of Christ. So he doesn’t have that hope. On top of it.. we lost his Mom on Christmas Eve. She had a stroke day before Thanksgiving. She could have rehabbed – was told it would take some hard work but she could recover.
However she lost all hope. Started saying she just wanted to die. She has struggled with depression for years. She did not know Jesus. She requested “the right to die.” ( which is legal in Ca ) and it was approved. Since the subject of suicide hits so close to home for us this was even harder and was more complex for us to deal with than the other family members. This post today comes at such a perfect time with the exact right wording. I’ve been praying this over my husband. I try to do the things as we wrestle with our daughter’s struggles. Some days as I wrestle alone it’s very challenging. Your blog and emails have been a lifeline for years. Thank you for what you do. I pray one day we are completely out of it and she’s healed. Until then. I cling to the hope I have in Jesus and Gods promises. Where would we be with out them.. well I saw just that this past week. It’s heartbreaking. I will do all
I can to continue to share his hope and love with everyone I can. ❤️ Happy New Year ! May we all find and feel hope in Jesus
Christine, thank you for your comment and sharing what has been going on in your family. My heart aches that your mother in law’s life ended like that – so hard on your husband. Wrestling alone is extra difficult. I pray your husband will one day share your faith, so you can wrestle together in an even stronger way. And you encouraged me sharing that my blog and emails have been a lifeline for you. I thank God! And thank you for sharing the hope you find with others. Many are struggling with something they are powerless to change. We all need hope as we keep our focus on Jesus, depending on him for what we need to keep going. Lord, please fill Christine with your joy and peace today just because she knows you are with her and are seeking her husband and daughter, to give them abundant life, too.
In Christ,
Dena