I have a deep faith in God and a close walk with him for over 55 years, but my husband’s cancer has depleted my reserves. Because Christ lives in me, I consider myself able to handle a lot of stress, but his cancer diagnosis and chemo hourney has had a big impact on my life, even though his cancer is very treatable. For that I am incredibly grateful.

After shedding many tears and having hard conversations with our children numbness set in. On the outside I appeared to function normally but I was in shock. I went through the day on autopilot: Get up, wash face, put on make up, get dressed, brush hair, eaat breakfast, pack food for the day then go to the hospital (my husband spent 28 out of 40 days hospitalized between mid-December and mid-January). Checking each item off the list, I pressed on. His first round of chemo was given late January as an in-patient because of his heart condition. The rest have been at his oncologist’s infusion center. It is a regimen of 5 continuous days – one day at the office, then he brings a chemo bag home for a 24 hour IV drip. What a major life adjustment.

A Realization

I needed to be positive and upbeat not only for my husand’s sake, but for our family’s. Putting one foot in front of the other I kept moving forward trying to do everything I always did while relying heavily on God’s strength. However, after all those days in the hospital I began to realize something: I was in shock and worn out. One day I confided to a close friend, “I feel lost, like I woke up in a foreign world and I don’t know the language or how to find my way around. And I’m scared. I don’t know what is ahead. I’ve been deeply shaken by this and I’m not okay.”

In that moment I had another realization: This was similar to the way I felt when we first received our daughter’s mental health diagnosis, discovering she was in grave danger of being a suicide victim; then a few months later when we found out about her drug and alcohol abuse. I’m sure many of you know from your own experiences that in circumstances of emotional upheaval you somehow manage to continue functioning. You go through your daily routine tasks of preparing meals, grocery shopping, doing laundry, and doing your work, but more like a robot on auto-pilot.

The Toll of Being a Caregiver

photo cred. Nani Chavez on unsplash

As a result, you have not seen many blog posts from me or received as many messages from my email subscription. The toll of being a caregiver, walking alongside a loved one going through chemo or some other treatment for a chronic illness, reduces your capacity to be productive or cope with stress like you did in the past. As time goes by the effects of chemo increase. The journey becomes more difficult for the individual as well as their family.

I’m not able to give as much of myself as I have previously. I just don’t have it in me. I can’t focus on tasks or manage details like usual. I’ve also dropped a lot of “balls”. You may have heard the term “chemo brain”. Well, I think I have it too. I’m more forgetful and accidentally overlook things I need to do. I no longer have the ability to keep the various plates in my life spinning. An example is that I neglected to send a birthday gift and card to one of my precious granddaughters! I couldn’t belive that happened. It never has before. I’ve been a grandma for fourteen years. I felt so bad, but I recalled what I learned during the years my daughter struggled to thrive. …

I give myself a lot of grace. Mom or dad, please be easy on yourself. It’s not about being perfect. We’re doing the best we can and that’s enough.

5 Activities to Maintain Strength and Persevere

For all of us going through difficult times, fatigue strikes as well: physically and emotionally. All our reserves are needed to cope with the journey God has us on.

I encourage you to try doing these 5 activities to help maintain your strength and persevere during hard times: (Pick one to get started)

1. Take one day at a time and stay in the moment.
2. Give yourself plenty of margin. Simplify your life. Stop doing nonesential activities.
3. Draw near to God. You could read the Bible, go to church (or find one), or pray. Tell God how you feel. He understands. He cares about you.
4. Worship – no matter how you feel. Keep praising God for who he is. He is worthy of our adoration. YouTube is full of all types of music. You can listen to hymns, contemporary worship, piano or instrumental. Many people create a playlist on spotify or YouTube for their sad days, or the days they want happy music. This is one I like on YouTube, peaceful and quiet piano music. And this is an uplifting song by Chris Tomlin.
5. Practice gratitude – get a small notepad and record something you are thankful for everyday. Start small: I got out of bed; the sun is shining, etc.

These are a few Bible verses I hold on to:

• “Praise the Lord … for great is his love toward us, and the faithfulness of the Lord endures forever” (Psalm 117:2 NIV).
• “Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the Lord has been good to you” (Psalm 116:5-7 NIV).
• “But the Lord stood with me and strengthened me” (2 Timothy 4:17 NIV).

If you’d like to follow my husband Tom’s cancer journey to know how to pray for us, below is the link to his Caring Bridge page. If you create an account and “follow” him (Thomas Yohe) you will receive email notifications when he posts a new journal entry: https://www.caringbridge.org/visit/tomsjourney5/journal

What do you do to maintain your strength an persevere during hard times?