Many parents today find themselves with a child who is confused about their sexual identity. Homosexuality has hit home. Unprepared and unsure of how to respond these parents find themselves in a quandry. Judeo-Christians struggle even more. Some of their sons and daughters want to change their sexual identity (transgender) or declare they’re pan-sexual, among many other gender labels. Overall, this is a confusing topic full of emotion for everyone involved. Today’s post is part 2 of an interview with a mom who wanted to share her journey to help parents navigate these troubled waters with compassion and understanding while guided by God’s Spirit. You can read part 1 here from Feb. 7th.

How is the relationship with your son today?

Our relationship with J is healthy. We talk regularly and he knows we are for him. Earlier this year he and his boyfriend struggled in their relationship when they both experienced depression. Again, engaging in their story has served us well because we were the first people J talked to. We don’t point him to God because he’s asked us not to, but in this instance, we were able to point them to some Christian relationship books.

We know there’s nothing we can do to change him and there’s nothing God can’t fix, so we trust that when we let them know we are for them, the Holy Spirit can use this for His glory. In the beginning of our journey, some of our closest friends chastised us for embracing J’s relationships. They feared God was more concerned with our response and stance against immorality and that by caring for J and his relationships we dishonored Him. We disagreed, and sadly, had to end our friendship.

What if your son chooses to marry his partner? Will you attend the wedding? How did you come to these decisions?

We haven’t had to cross that bridge yet, but in the beginning of our journey them getting married was the biggest question in our minds. This has definitely been a process, but learning to not live in fear of making bad decisions that God would be unhappy with has freed us. God has reminded us that He is ABLE and can cover any mistake we make. We were sinners and he still died for us. At this point, we would absolutely go to the wedding, though my husband (with ordination credentials) would not officiate. We want J to know what we are for more than what we are against. Also, if they were to get married and adopt, we are the only physical reminders of Jesus. Do we want a grandchild to know us for the grandparents who are against their parents? Again, it’s the freedom from living as though our stance on morality is more important than our relationship with them.

What Scriptures helped you the most?

Over a period of about six months God took me regularly to Scriptures that essentially all said the same thing. I took notice of them and wrote them down. I realized He wanted me to say yes to Him. To be willing to be His vessel or tool however He wanted to use me. These verses are also appropriate for our hope in what He could do in our son’s life.

God Is Able

Genesis 18:14 Is anything too hard for the Lord…?

Jeremiah 32:17 Ah, Sovereign Lord, you have made the heavens and the earth by your great power and outstretched arm. Nothing is too hard for you.

Jeremiah 32:27  I am the Lord, the God of all mankind. Is anything too hard for me?

Daniel 2:21 He changes times and seasons; he removes kings and sets up kings; he gives wisdom to the wise and knowledge to those who have understanding.

Luke 1:35-37  (vs 37) For nothing is impossible with God.

Samuel 14:6  Nothing can hinder the Lord from saving, whether by many or by few. (Jonathan reassuring his armor bearer as they were going to attack the Philistines alone.)

Ephesians 3:20 Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever! Amen.

What are the most important things you’d like to say to parents who are brokenhearted, struggling with this issue?

I’m sorry. I know this is a journey you never expected to be on. Keep your eyes on the Lord, not on your circumstances; read the Psalms; remember who God is and what He has done. One day my husband was reading in Genesis, lamenting to the Lord that He wouldn’t be able to understand the sadness we were going through. He felt like God cupped his chin in His hand and said, “I do understand. I am a perfect father and look what my kids did.”

Remember, this isn’t your fault. We are sinful people living in a broken world.

How has God used this in your life? Your marriage? 

OMG! We’ve both said over and over again that we wouldn’t wish this on our worst enemy, but we wouldn’t give it back for the world, either. God has used this experience to strengthen us individually and in our marriage. One reason grew stronger is that we never blamed each another. When one of us had a bad day, the Lord would prompt the other to share a powerful scripture that encouraged us. In those first months, as we leaned into God and each another, when one was down the other was up.

My husband and I also dealt with J’s SSA issues the same way. Thankfully, we both turned to the Lord in our despair. I would encourage those who are not experiencing the same emotions or reactions as their spouse to not vilify the other. They are not the enemy even though you might feel like they are. They’re simply processing their pain differently. The best thing you can do for your marriage is to find common ground and not allow your child’s issues to become a source of division.

We have grown a lot spiritually too. We always had regular quiet times with the Lord, but we’ve learned more about living the Spirit-filled life and gained a deeper understanding of grace. Before this happened, we had been trying to live a perfect life in our own efforts.

What God did and is still doing in our lives has also benefited our other children. We had another son enter the prodigal life during his college years with promiscuity and drugs. How we learned to handle the situation with J helped us again. Today, our other son is a former prodigal who uses his story to point others to Christ.

– I hope you found something in this 2-part interview that will help you with the challenging journey you’re on with your child. The choices this couple made in how they responded (or will in the future–re: marriage) to their son may not be the choices you make. No two situations are the same, but we can all learn from each other by the way God shows up and speaks to our hearts; by how he guides and directs us.

Resources:

Out of a Far Country by Christopher Yuan

Holy Sexuality and the Gospel by Christopher Yuan ; christopheryuan.com

When Homosexuality Hits Home by Joe Dallas

Change of Affection by Becket Cook

https://www.leadthemhome.org/   Posture Shift (resources for parents and the church)

https://www.restoredhopenetwork.org  – Restored Hope Network was birthed from former Exodus folks who saw what was happening with Exodus and still wanted a network for those struggling.  

http://www.livingout.org/   Connections with Sam Allberry.

Living Hope Ministries https://livehope.org/ A non-profit, non-denominational, 501(c)3 organization whose mission is to proclaim God’s truth for those who seek sexual and relational wholeness through a more intimate relationship with Jesus Christ. They provide free in-person support groups, one-on-one pastoral counseling and mentoring, online support forums, in addition to education and training for the local church and community in the U.S. and worldwide.

Mark Yarhouse (https://centerforfaith.com/about/leadership/dr-mark-yarhouse and http://www.sexualidentityinstitute.org/)  

Joe Dallas (https://joedallas.com/)

Prayer for Prodigals – send an email to PrayerForProdigals@gmail.com requesting to join the confidential, password-protected website sponsored by an international ministry called Cru.

**If you’re walking this path too, what has helped you? Please share to help other parents. We want to hear from you!

*Today’s post is from the archives