photo cred. Connor Wiegmann on unsplash
Father’s Day is this coming Sunday. Are you a brokenhearted dad because of your child’s choices, struggles, and dangerous behaviors? Is your soul shipwrecked with disappointment, worry, and sadness? Does it feel like you have an elephant on your chest? Do you explode in anger because of the hurt? If so, Father’s Day will be hard for you. Tender memories of better times, when your child was young, can’t compete with today’s harsh reality.
You pray no one asks, “How’s the family?” or “What are your plans for Father’s Day?” For most, the question is harmless. But underneath the pleasantries, what they really want to know is about them, however, they don’t want to mention their name for fear of causing you more pain. Those well-meaning friends don’t realize even asking the question is like pouring salt in an open wound.
The lump in your throat swells, threatening to choke, but you hold your emotions in check. You can’t allow anyone to see you cry. You’re a man. You’re tough. And besides, if you let out your tears, the dam might burst and never stop flowing. Then someone would certainly ask, “What’s wrong?”
You couldn’t handle their kindness.
You can’t talk about your beloved child or your pain over them.
Can’t you get a free pass for Father’s Day? Most of your friends made plans with their happy families. You envy their fun-filled weekend. Their children show appreciation and enjoy spending time with them: cookouts, beach trips, yard games, and other activities abound. Perhaps you have other children who will be with you—but not the one you ache over. The one you can’t stop thinking about. You haven’t heard from them for a long time.
You may not even know where they are … if they’re dead or alive.
You’d give anything to be reconciled; to see them, to hear their voice. How wonderful it would be if they wanted to be with you or talk to you. Not because they need something from you — because they love you and care about you.
God, our heavenly Father, feels the same way about us. He understands our painful longings. He’s a brokenhearted dad too. Maybe these 6 tips will help.
Six Helpful Tips:
- Keep trusting God. He’s faithful to help in your time of need.
- Lower your expectations and thank Him for what you do have. Don’t compare yourself to others. Comparison always leads to disappointment and steals your joy.
- Limit the amount of time you allow yourself to fret about your troubled child.
- Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Get busy doing something for someone else.
- Release your pain. Give the hurt to God. Focus on who He is and what He’s already done for you.
- Hold on to hope and don’t give up. You have no idea what Father’s Day could bring next year.
Longing for the Past
“You’re only as happy as your saddest child.” I’m not sure who said this, but are they right? Should we be affected that way?
I remember how difficult Father’s Day could be for my husband during the darkest years with our daughter. If he didn’t hear from her my heart would ache for him. He tried not to show how much it hurt, but how can you hide feelings so big they threaten to lay you out flat? The sadness in his eyes couldn’t be hidden.
He needed distractions until the day was over. I did my best to provide them. Those twenty-four hours became a bitter reminder of what he didn’t have. How yearned for the past, when he was our daughter’s hero.
What Happened?
Dad, can you remember those days? Do you wonder what happened?
photo cred. google images
Drugs and alcohol happened. Rebellion and bad friends happened. Depression happened.
Anger, lying, and many other things happened.
Everything changed.
Nothing’s the same anymore.
Friend, I hope you’ll hear from your son or daughter on Father’s Day, even if they’re not ready to say, “I love you.” But if you don’t, please remember this isn’t the end of the story. God, the Divine Author, is still writing the next chapter of their lives . . . and of yours. You never know what tomorrow might hold.
In the parable of the Lost Son (Luke 15: 11-32), Jesus gave hope that one day wayward children could come to their senses, do a turn-about, and be restored to their parents once again. “I love you, Dad. Please forgive me for how I hurt you. I’m sorry I’ve been such a jerk.”
Our heavenly Father longs to hear these words from all of His wayward children. The awful truth is that you might not hear those words next week, next month, or ever. When my husband was on the verge of despair, a wise friend told him, “As long as your daughter is still breathing, there’s still hope!”
Dear dad, please don’t despair. Persevere with your prayers. There is still hope.
photo cred. Roan Lavery on unsplash
Which one of the 6 tips stands out most to you? Focus on it for the week ahead, or as long as you need.
The Bible is our best source of hope: This land that was laid waste has become like the Garden of Eden (Ezekiel 36:35 NIV).
What a wonderful hope-filled image. A ruined wastelland turned into a beautiful, thriving garden.
Let’s Pray
Father God, comfort me in my hurt and disappointment. Remind me that You see my pain over the wasteland my child’s life has turned into. You understand and You care. Renew my hope that anything is possible with You. And if reconciliation and restoration are delayed for a long time, help me continue to trust, keeping my eyes on You. For in You I have everything I need. Everything. In Jesus’ name. Amen.
Recommended book
Moments of Clarity: Wisdom from the Father of a Prodigal by Tom Yohe
*from the archives
The book Moments of Clarity by Tom Yohe, is an excellent book and would be a wonderful gift for a father of a prodigal . It sure meant a lot to me as a mom of a prodigal to know the pain a father also goes through during the hard times with our prodigals.