photo cred. Fabio Porta on unsplash

Can you remember when a special event was ruined because of something bad that happened? Maybe the event was your birthday or Christmas. For me, the occasion was Thanksgiving Day 1997. We lived in Illinois. The morning was cold and sunny. I was up early to prepare our family’s special breakfast before we watched the Macy’s Christmas parade. I looked forward to this day all year. Our home was full of cheerful anticipation as pleasing aromas of cinnamon rolls and a turkey roasting in the oven filled the air.

An Unwelcome Surprise

The phone rang around 8 am. Who’s calling so early on Thanksgiving?

I answered expecting it to be one of our parents wishing us a happy day. i never expected what I was about to hear …

“Dena . . .  honey,” I heard my dad’s stammer, his throat catching with emotion. My stomach sank at the sound in his voice. Something’s wrong.

After an eight-month-long illness, my mom had made enough progress to finally be able to go home. Today was the day! I couldn’t wait to talk to her for the first time in months. How wonderful that would be. I had so much to share with her.

“I’m so sorry to have to tell you this … but I just got a call from the nursing rehab facility. It’s about your mom … honey, she passed away early this morning while they were helping her get dressed.” Nooooo!!!! It can’t be!

Thanksgiving has never been the same. I caught a flight out the next day, missing my elementary age children’s school Christmas programs. Her visitation was on my birthday. I didn’t want to celebrate anything that year. Thanksgiving. My birthday. Christmas. Who cares any of that? I didn’t.

Have you had a similar experience with one of your children? You’ve been profoundly hurt, rejected, shocked, disappointed, grief-stricken. You could care less about the holidays. There will be no Norman Rockwell Christmas for you.

The Holidays Will be Different

photo cred. Ivan Aleksic on unsplash

When we’re in emotional pain the thought of celebrating sounds awful, even cruel and impossible. But holidays are here. Can a parent in pain still celebrate?

Yes, we can.

But it will be different.

We need to accept the fact that we won’t experience a picture-perfect scenario.

Many of us already know this all too well. We’re not surprised. We’ve been on this different journey for a long time.

We stopped looking for joy in the holidays years ago.

We quit seeking satisfaction in how much we decorate or shop or bake, although we may still like doing those things. There’s not enough tinsel to hang on our tree or colorful lights to fill the emptiness in our hearts. We can’t make enough cookies or spend enough money to take away the ache. No credit card has a limit high enough to buy what we need. No present can satisfy our longings.

The peace we long for can’t be found under our tree or in a sparkly gift bag.

Make this Choice

photo cred. Dan Kiefer on unsplash

Twenty years ago, when my heart was broken, I didn’t think I could celebrate Christmas, but I discovered a way that I could. How? I focused on the real meaning.

What does Christmas mean to you?

For me (like many of you), the real meaning is found in Jesus (read Luke 2). It’s found in the Son of God, the Prince of Peace, and King of kings, who gives me His peace in my pain. It’s found in the Wonderful Counselor who guides and comforts me with His counsel. It’s found in the Lamb of God who came into a messed up world to die for me because of His unconditional love. It’s found in the redemption his death and resurrection have freely provided for all who believe.

I focused on Jesus back in 1997 when my mom died and I still choose to focus on Him today. When I do, He gives the grace and strength I need to celebrate His coming no matter what’s going on in my life, like last year when my husband was in the hospital and we had been told he had cancer that had metastacized.

Where will you focus this holiday season, on your pain or on the Prince of Peace?

On worrying or on worshiping?

If you’d like more information on the true meaning of Christmas click here.

These Bible verses offer great comfort and point to the true meaning of the holiday:

For God so loved the world, that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life ( John 3:16 NIV).

And the angel said (to the shepherds), “Fear not, for behold, I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord” (Luke 2:10-11 NIV).

Recommended book: The Glory of Christmas, Chuck Swindoll, Max Lucado and Charles Colson (a collection of inspirational writings)

See other books on Christmas by Max Lucado or on Advent by Ann Voskamp.