photo cred. Myles Tan

Turning on the television to unwind after dinner I heard, “We’re saddened to report the suicide of a 17 year old female student from Marjorie Stoneman High School, in Parkland, Florida. She was a survivor of the 2018 shooting.” My heart sank. All I could think about was her grief-stricken parents. A week later I heard a similar news report about a second suicide from the same high school.

Unthinkable.

Another person ended their life. I groaned. My stomach ached. 

O God, there are too many suicides.

Way. Too. Many.

Since I first wrote this post several years ago, we’ve experienced a global pandemic. My counselor friends tell me that the number of suicides has gone up significantly. A spirit of death runs rampant all over the country.

What about your child? Have you wondered if they’re in danger? Have they lost any friends? Has your community been impacted?

Hopelessness

Many of our sons and daughters struggle with mental illness. They wrestle with a distorted body image, substance use disorders (SUD) or confusion over their sexual orientation. They’re up and down with relationship troubles. They feel worthless and believe their life doesn’t matter. Add the pandemic to these strugglesand their anxieties have ramped up. In a battle with hopelessness, they sit on the edge of giving up.

Are you tormented by the fear of not knowing if your child is safe—from themselves? Do you sense something’s wrong but you can’t put your finger on it? If so, this is for you. The information in this blog could be crucial for your child. My source is The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline website.

Warning Signs

The following behaviors may mean a person is in danger of ending their life. The risk of suicide is greater if a behavior is new or has increased, or if it seems related to a painful event, loss, or change.

If your child exhibits any of these signs, please seek help as soon as possible by calling the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255).

Their crisis text line is: 741741.  A trained individual answers calls 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, including holidays.

Watch for these warning signs:

• Talking about wanting to die or kill themselves. Pay
• attention. Don’t ignore these comments. You never know when it’s a genuine
  plea for help.
• Looking for a way to kill themselves—searching online,
  hiding pills, obtaining a weapon or the key to your gun case (if you have
  guns in your home always keep them in a locked place).
• Talking about feeling hopeless or having no reason to
  live.
• Talking about feeling trapped or in unbearable pain.
• Talking about being a burden to others. Repeatedly
  apologizing. Feeling guilty for surviving a mass shooting.
• Increasing the use of alcohol or drugs. (parents may
  only see hints of this)
• Acting anxious or agitated; behaving recklessly.
• Sleeping too little or too much.
• Withdrawing or isolating.
• Showing rage or talking about seeking revenge.
• Displaying extreme mood swings.

A friend of mine whose child died by suicide asked me to add several additional warning signs to the list:

• A sudden, unexplainable change in typical behavior.
• Undecorating their bedroom; taking down favorite posters or pictures for no apparent reason.
• Giving away personal belongings, especially if it’s something you know is special or important to them.
• Responding in a more loving way to friends or family members than usual; out of character, a little too nice to a sibling they always fight with.

Nagging Doubts

Do you have nagging doubts? Call a counselor immediately. If you don’t know who to call, then call the Suicde Prevention Lifeline (800) 273-8255 I mentioned above. At least you can talk with someone who’s knowledgeable on the subject. They can help you determine your next step. Or call 1-800-A-FAMILY    800-232-6459 to talk with a Christian counselor Mon. through Fri. 6am – 8pm Mountain Time at Focus on the Family’s Help Center.

No Regrets

Please don’t delay. You don’t want to have any regrets. What’s the worst thing that could happen? You find out you were wrong and your child will be mad. It won’t be the first time, or the last, right? Ask God to give you courageous love and a willingness to be the target of their anger…for now.

One day they’ll understand—they may even forgive you and thank you. But if not, you can be strong because your love for them is big…big enough that you’re willing to do anything to save them.

Sadly, when most suicides occur, family members and closest friends say they were blind-sided; they never saw it coming. I hope and pray that won’t happen to you.

Encouragement for You

In my dark times, I turn to the Bible for hope and encouragement. This Scripture has given me both:

Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don’t try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; he’s the one who will keep you on track. Don’t assume that you know it all. Run to God (Proverbs 3:5-6, The Message)!

My Prayer for You: Dear God, Author of Life, comfort and strengthen every parent who reads this. Reinforce their courage to do whatever it takes to save their child’s life. Open their eyes to see the warning signs. Guide them to their next step. Prompt them to make a hard phone call, then, divinely connect them with the right person who can help. Show them how to trust you more in their struggle. Thank you for caring. Thank you that we’re not alone in our trials. Amen.

Recommended books and websites:

One Year Book of Hope, Nany Guthrie (a devotional book)

Night Falls Fast: Understanding Suicide, Kay Redfield Jamison

American Foundation for Suicide Prevention – afsp.org

National Alliance on Mental Illness – nami.org