The Hurricanes of Parenting

photo cred. NASA

We live in Orlando. We were side-swiped by Hurricane Helene last week. Tragically, many people in northern Florida, Georgia, Tennessee, and the Carolinas experienced extreme devastation. I’ve been through a number of hurricanes in my life and I’ve noticed a few parallels with parenting troubled kids.

In parenting, we sometimes encounter challenges that are a lot like fierce storms. Some come upon us suddenly, without warning, like a tornado. Others give us signs something dangerous is headed our way, like hurricanes. They cause fear, anxiety, and destruction. In our parenting storms, there’s nothing we can do to keep the bad away or lessen the potential damage. With hurricanes, we know there may be a lot of pain and destruction ahead. We brace ourselves for what may come. I’m glad we don’t know the future.

When I listened to the weather channel I grew more anxious and uneasy for all who would be in harms way from Hurricane Helene. You do the best you can to prepare, then all you can do is pray and wait. I saw a meme that described this perfectly: “Waiting for a hurricane is a lot like waiting for a turtle to cross the road.” Eventually, the sky becomes dark and foreboding. Trees bend and sway in the fierce winds; some uproot, toppling over on homes, cars and roads. Debris litters neighborhoods. Then flooding comes, causing massive destruction and loss.

Don’t Be Like Pebbles

Our son had an adorable little dog, a Yorkshire terrier. Pebbles was her name. She’s in doggie heaven now, but she was always petrified of storms, especially hurricanes. She would pant hard and shake all over while running around in a state of panic. Sometimes she would pee on the floor – usually on a rug somewhere. Finally, she would find a corner to hide in until the weather calmed down.

Poor Pebbles. She didn’t understand the storm would pass; in time, everything would be okay again. She couldn’t grasp that her loving owners were with her and would keep her safe. Friend, let’s not be like Pebbles.

My Hurricane

The hurricane in my life came in the form of my daughter’s troubles: drug and alcohol addiction, stints in rehab, relapses, mental illness, self-injury (cutting), hospitalizations, psych wards, suicide attempts and incidences of rape. These terrifying experiences filled me with panic and a desire to hide, like Pebbles. But for me (and all of us), there was no guarantee my daughter would be okay—ever.

In my storm, I hid from others and withdrew. Emotionally bent over from constant grief and worry, I thought I would break from the strain. A nervous wreck, I suffered deep distress.

Life is full of storms. As hard as we try, we can’t stop them. I’ve learned four key truths that help me cope, survive, and even thrive in my parenting storm. I suggest we learn them well, then we won’t be emotionally wrecked when the next parenting hurricane comes our way.

4 Key Truths

Draw close to God.
Focus on Him.
Trust Him.
Rely on His Word, the Bible.

Twenty years ago, when I read the Bible one morning, I discovered Isaiah 43:1-5. These verses helped me focus on those four key truths. They soothed my soul. I still turn to them today whenever I face another storm. Isaiah’s words summarize the core of where my strength and peace come from.

Where does your peace and strength come from?

Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine (If we belong to God, He will help us and take care of us.)

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; (God will be with us, no matter what kind of storm we face.)

And when you pass through the rivers (life-shaking events), they will not sweep over you. (We will not be overcome.)

When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. (We will survive, though we may have to walk “through” tough times.)

For I Am the Lord, your God, The Holy One of Israel, your Savior . . . (Remember Who is our Helper: the God of the universe; the creator and sustainer of all life.)

Since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you . . . (Because we are deeply, perfectly loved, we can rest in God. He’s got us.)

Don’t be afraid, for I Am with you. (There’s no need to fear life’s storms. We are never, ever alone. God Almighty is with us, always and forever.)

(Isaiah 43:1-5, NIV)

If you are in the middle of a parenting hurricane please stay focused on God and draw near. He offers comfort and encouragement to all who look to Him.