photo cred. Serena Woodward on Unsplash

Living an hour from the beaches in Florida, I sometimes hear news reports of drownings on one of the area beaches caused by rip currents. Parents of troubled teen or adult children who have problems with substance use, are in a out of jail, have a mental illness, engage in self harm, have an eating disorder, suicidal at times, or struggle with gender identity issues are caught in a type of emotional rip current. They are in imminent danger of drowning emotionally. They need immediate help. Is that you?

What is a rip current? A rip current is a strong channel of water flowing out to sea from near the shore. They can occur in oceans, seas or even lakes.

Rips (as they are also called) can be extemely dangerous to swimmers, dragging them away from the beach and the safety of the shallows. The average rate of speed of a rip is 1 to 2 feet per second and up to 8 feet per second. That’s really fast! Death by drowning comes following exhaustion while fighting the ocean current. Someone who is not even swimming, just simply standing in waist deep water, can be dragged into deeper waters where they might drown if they are unable to swim and are not wearing a flotation device.

Rip Currents and Parents

photo cred. pexels

Like rip currents, our children’s troubles can sneak up on us and yank our feet right out from under us. They drag us out to the deep waters of fearandshame. Anger and resentment sweep us away. Over-helping saps our strength. Sorrow overwhelms. We thought we were in the safe waters of parenting the “right way”. Now we struggle to break free, to make our way back to the shore where all is calm, but we can’t. It’s as though we’re trapped in a fast moving channel. Trying to get free in my own strength didn’t work. Suffering from exhaustion – emotional, physical and spiritual – I gasped for relief. This experience drains even the strongest person of their reserves. Before you realize what’s happening, you’ve been “ripped”.

How can swimmers escape from a rip current? Contrary to what seems natural breaking free is not accomplished by attempting to swim back to shore directly against the current. This puts your life at greater risk. Rip currents are too powerful. They don’t pull swimmers under water, rather, they carry them away from shore out to deeper waters where there is no foothold. Like a fast moving treadmill, they can’t get off no matter how hard they try. Caught in its powerful force and pulled out to sea panic sets in. However, swimmers must stay calm and swim parallel to the shore until they are outside the current’s grip. If they need to, they can float to rest and regain some strength. Then, locations to aim for are places where waves are breaking. In these areas, the swimmer can catch a wave and body surf back to safety.

Dear friend, do you feel caught in a rip current today? Caught on a vicious emotional treadmill you can’t get off? Do you feel yourself being pulled awayfrom the safety of the shoreline, where your stability was? Have fear and panic set in? In my experience relief only came when I finally quit fighting against the situation, moved out of shock and denial, faced my fears, and accepted there was a problem I couldn’t handle.

When I stopped trying to fix my daughter or make her change … when I surrendered her back to God … when I released her, got out of the way, and let Him work, I regained my foothold. I found peace again. That’s when the rip lost its power over me.

A Slow Scary Process

The learning how to let the rip lose its power over me was a process that didn’t come easily or quickly. It required hard work and a lot of trust in God. Learning how to “float” was scary, like when I was a child. Full of fear I wondered, What if I lean back and the swim instructor or my parents don’t hold me up? But now I have a heavenly Helper, a spiritual Lifeguard. Leaning back in His arms I can relax. I can trust Him to hold me up every time. He’ll never let me go. This is where I found freedom from the affects of the “rip current”. This is how I made my way back to the safety and peace of the shore … not in my own wisdom or strength.

According to my research, this is what you can do to survive being caught in a rip:

1)  Relax, then calmly float or tread water. Eventually the rip will lose its strength and you can swim diagonally back to shore at your leisure.

2)  Swim where there are lifeguards on duty.

This is your only hope of surviving a rip current.

photo cred. Szymon Doniec on Unsplash

But maybe you’re not going swimming in the ocean or anywhere else but you are in danger of emotionally or spiritually drowning. Have you learned to relax and float in your heavenly Helper’s arms? Have you discovered how to replace your natural responses that put you at risk and might harm you? Do you need to overcome your fears so you can lean back in your Father’s arms, trusting Him to hold you up in deep waters? Do you need to be rescued by your heavenly Lifeguard?

God wants to do this for you. He is always on duty. There is nowhere you can “swim” that he is not. If you feel caught in a life-threatening rip current because of your child’s choices and destructive behaviors, He will rescue you if you call out for help. He can bring you safely back to shore.

From the Bible

Two Bible verses come to mind for you:

The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms. (Deuteronomy 33:27) NIV

Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name, you are mine.

when you pass through the waters [rip currents], I will be with you;

and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you …

For I am the Lord, Your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior …

Since you are precious and honored in my sight and becasue I love you …

Do not be afraid, for I am with you. (Isaiah 43:1-5) NIV