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Today, along with millions of Americans, I will reflect on the events of 9/11.  The day is too important not to write about it. I remember where I was, what I felt, and what I experienced that day. The shock, denial, grief, fear . . . and the tears.

That day changed America. We must not forget.

1) Shock and denial:  My husband and I kept saying we couldn’t believe this was real, that what we were witnessing on our television was happening. Not here in America! In disbelief, we sat on our blue-flowered couch, glued to the screen as we watched the horrific events unfold. We were stunned. Terrorists, here?

Overwhelmed and numb I didn’t cook dinner that night. No one was hungry anyway. We sat around the table with our children (elementary, middle and high school age) as we tried to process what we’d seen and heard. We comforted and consoled one another. We read the Bible and turned to God for strength as we wondered what it all meant.

2) Grief and Loss:  There was so much death and suffering. So sudden and unexpected. So many lives lost . . .  in the Twin Towers, in the Pentagon, on planes, and of those who came to their rescue. I didn’t know anyone personally who died that day, but my heart ached as though I did. I shed tears and felt deep emotional pain like you may have. Grief and sadness swept across the nation. This was a collective loss.

Pain united us.

People made signs (“I love New York” or “Pray for America”) and put them in the windows of their homes to empathize with the suffering. My ten-year-old daughter made one, too. They popped up all over neighborhoods everywhere. We sought ways to express support and draw strength from each other. Many purchased American flags they proudly flew from their cars or homes. Hearts were deeply moved.

3) Fear:  What city or plane might be the next target? Who should we be suspicious of in our towns? Americans learned we had a false sense of security. We were not invincible after all. Terrorism’s’ destructive force had come to our shores. 9/11 would change us. Many things would never be the same. How would we return to life as normal? How could we feel safe now? Was it possible for fear not to overwhelm us? How would we recover and move on?

Parents in Pain Struggle in Similar Ways

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Parents whose children abuse substances, struggle with a mental illness, an eating disorder, suicidal thoughts, and other heartbreaking issues grieve, too, but in a different way. While we don’t know the searing pain of a child’s death, we do identify with a lot of what the families affected by the events of 9/11 have experienced.

1)  Shock and denial: This was our initial response when we first learned our child had a problem we couldn’t solve. We can’t believe what’s happened to our child. It’s not possible! We thought our family was safe from those things. What now? Would we ever be the same again? What can we do? We’re numb as we try to make sense of what makes no sense.

2)  Grief and Loss:  Hopes and dreams have been shattered. Any chance for a relationship looks dim. Some have rejected us and refuse any contact. We feel a though our child has died. Brokenhearted, we’re overwhelmed with sadness. Tears flow like rivers. We go through the same stages of loss as though they had indeed died. How do we go on? How do we keep living when we feel like we’re dying – or want to? Have we lost our child forever?

3) Fear:  We’re full of fear–of the what-ifs, of the uknowns, of what others think, of all the possible consequences. If we have other children, will this happen to them, too? How do we cope?  How do we not let fear and worry destroy our sanity? We hope and pray our child survives, but we’re given no guarantees. Our pain is also shared collectively by every other brokenhearted parent in our communities.

We Are Not Alone

Suffering unites us and pulls us together. Strength and hope are drawn from one another. And somehow, knowing we are not in this alone brings comfort.

Find Help

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Survivors of 9/11 had to reach out for help to cope and overcome. So do we.

I hope you will reach out to others for help. Please find a support group or counselor in your area and go this week. We, too, are survivors who need each other. With God’s help we’re going to be okay. We can grow stronger from what we’ve been through if we choose to. The steps we take to find comfort and strength are up to us.

I found much comfort and strength in the Bible. This is one of my favorite passages:

The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him and I am helped . . . The Lord is the strength of his people . . . be their shepherd and carry them forever  (Psalm 28: 7, 9).

Resources

Hope for Hurting Parents has support groups around the country. New groups are forming all the time. If there’s not one near you, we can help you or your church start one with our easy-to-use materials. Request a FREE sample or order the Facilitator Guide and Parent Notebook from our website. Our team is here to serve you!

Recommended books: Shattered Dreams by Larry Crabb and Parents with Broken Hearts by Robert Coleman. Click here to find them on our website under the “Books” tab.