How can parents whose children are hurting from abusing drugs, alcohol, self harm of all kinds (eating disorders, cutting, burning), pornography, same sex 
relationships, gambling and mental illness find freedom? What do we need to be free from? Everything destructive associated with this child that is destroying our well-being, robbing us of our sanity. Fear, anxiety, worry, despair, depression, anger, resentment, grief and more.
In my personal experience finding my freedom didn’t come from doing more, lecturing more, helping more, reading more books or Bible verses (they certainly do help and I do these all the time), or trying to fix my daughter more. It’s also wasn’t from worrying more, yelling more, crying more, or talking to one more counselor. These things did help. They needed to be expressed and done as part of my grieving, healing journey. Not sure about the yelling or lecturing . . .
My freedom came through something else. It came through yielding more. Surrendering more. Giving her back to God more. Trusting him more. Releasing her into his care more. Into his loving hands.
I had to remember that while I loved her immensely, He loved her even more. Much more. After all, he is the one who made her and gave her life. I was part of the process, but he is the Divine life-source. When I say yield and surrender I don’t mean giving up or not caring. It’s letting go and letting God do his work. I step back and let him step in. I stop any enabling or helping. I focus on taking care of myself and let my daughter learn to do the same for herself.
Here is a powerful prayer called “Declaration of Release.” It is written by Sylvia Gunther with The Father’s Business. Used it as your own prayer to help you let go and give your child back to God. Use it as often as you need to. It helped me find freedom. I believe it will help you, too. Let it be your Freedom Song!
Because Jesus Christ is my Lord, I free you from my anxiety, fears, and control. I trust the Holy Spirit to lead you and show you the way that is right for you — the way of love, joy, and peace and all that salvation includes.
I place you at God’s throne of grace. I cannot force my will on you. I cannot live your life for you. I give you to God the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. You are a very special person. As much as I love you, God loves you more. Your life today is totally in His hands, and I trust Him with it.
In Jesus’ name…
I release you from my expectations,
I place you on open palms to the Lord,
I give you my blessings,
I let you go. Amen.
It is God who works in you to will and to act according to His good purpose. Being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. (Philippians 2:13, 1:6).
Prayer Portions L 1991. 1992. 1995. Sylvia Gunter. P.O. Box 380333, Binningham, AL 35238 USA. All Rights Reserved.
Your blog was exactly what my heart needed today.
My 21 year old son has not spoken to me in 14 months.
It’s nights that really get to me. My heart is burning with grief and what ifs.
If not for God I could not go on.
I am so sorry for this pain you are going through. That must be so terribly difficult. For you it is as though your son has died. There’s nothing more crushing for a parent. Since you definitely in a grieving process, I would like to urge you to read all you can on grief. It will help you a lot.
Two books that might encourage you are Parents with Broken Hearts by Bill Coleman and Hope of a Homecoming by O’Rourke and Sauer.
Something else that would be good for you is to find a support group. Al-Anon group would be really helpful even if your son does not have an alcohol problem. Everyone there is dealing with a problem they have no control over. There is such great comfort in just being with others who are going through something similar. You are not alone!
May God comfort and strengthen your heart today.