photo cred. Jeffrey Hamilton on unsplash

The fourth of July was this past weekend. This holiday is a day we Americans celebrate our independence and freedom. But there’s a growing number of people who didn’t feel festive or free on the fourth—brokenhearted parents.

Growing up I always enjoyed this holiday. My parents planned cookouts, beach outings, and family reunions. Fireworks were the big finale to a fun day. But things are different this year–between COVID-19 and widespread social unrest, riots and protests, hearts are heavy. We don’t know when things will ever feel safe or normal again. We don’t feel like celebrating, not like we did in the past. I’ve heard that firework displays have been cancelled all over the country. There will be no big finale this year.

Hurting parents weren’t looking forward to one anyway. They’re captives longing for released from fear, sadness, guilt, and much more. In a type of emotional bondage only others in the club can fully understand.

Who is in this club no one wants to join? Moms and dads who are in turmoil over the destructive, disappointing behaviors and choices of their children. The age of their child doesn’t matter…thirteen or thirty…the sense of pain and loss is the same. Oh, how these parents wish they were free.

But they aren’t.

How can they find freedom? What do they need to do to be set free from their captivity?

This is where my freedom came from. You might be surprised.

My Freedom Didn’t Come from This

photo cred. pixabay

• My personal journey to freedom didn’t come from trying to do more for my daughter: lecturing, disciplining, or counseling.
• My freedom didn’t come from doing more to help myself: learning about her issues or going to support groups—although these things did help.
• My freedom didn’t come from seeing a counselor or clergy, although talking to a therapist was helpful. I certainly needed to express my feelings as part of my healing process.
• My freedom didn’t come from trying to change or fix my daughter more. If only I could have, but I quickly learned this wasn’t possible. The harder I tried, the harder she pushed away.
• And my freedom didn’t come from worrying, yelling, or crying more—although I did each of these a lot.
• My freedom came from something unexpected.

4 Steps to Freedom

My freedom came from doing these four things:

1. Yielding and surrendering my daughter to God.
2. Trusting Him.
3. Letting go and releasing her into His capable hands.
4. Remembering that while I loved my daughter with my whole heart, God loved her even more.

Far more.

Dear parent, I encourage you to use the following prayer written by Sylvia Gunter called The Declaration of Release. Let her words become the cry of your heart to your heavenly Father as you let go and surrender your child back to Him. My husband and I have used this powerful prayer many times over the last fifteen years and found tremendous help from doing so. We believe Sylvia’s prayer is inspired by God and can help you too. We like The Declaration of Release so much that we included it in our support group materials, both the Facilitator Guide and the Parent Notebook.

May this powerful prayer become your freedom song.

photo cred. pexels

The Declaration of Release

Because Jesus Christ is my Lord, I free you from my anxiety, fears, and control. I trust the Holy Spirit to

lead you and show you the way that is right for you — the way of love, joy, and peace and all that salvation includes. 

I place you at God’s throne of grace. I cannot force my will on you. I cannot live your life for you. I give you to God the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. You are a very special person. As much as I love you, God loves you more. Your life today is totally in His hands, and I trust Him with it.

  In Jesus’ name…

 I release you from my expectations, 

 I place you on open palms to the Lord, 

 I give you my blessings, 

 I let you go.

Amen.

(Philippians 3; 1:6) It is God who works in you to will and to act according to His good purpose. Being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

*Prayer Portions L 1991. 1992. 1995. Sylvia Gunter. P.O. Box 380333, Birmingham, AL 35238 USA. All Rights Reserved.  Used with permission. For more resources go to the website: The Father’s Business.

*If you’d like to have a copy of this prayer to refer to frequently, order a copy of our Parent Notebook and you’ll have it along with a lot more material you can go through at your own pace. This book can help you work on your recovery and healing. We’ve included pages at the end of each of the 22 sessions for journaling or notes.

**Do you feel free or are you struggling today? Which one of the 4 Steps to Freedom do you want to work on? Make a note of it in a notepad or on a piece of paper and put the note where you will see it daily as a reminder. Use The Declaration of Release on a regular basis to help you with the process of releasing your child to God. Notice how you feel in a week or two. Bring your specific need to Him in prayer. He cares and wants to set you free!!**

Recommended books:

Praying God’s Will for My Son by Lee Roberts and Praying God’s Will for My Daughter by Lee Roberts