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Parents of troubled teens or adults have a big problem—fear. This negative emotion becomes a monkey on our back and a monster in our minds. It’s a tyrannical, heartless dictator that shows no mercy to its victims. I know something about the fear monster because he wreaked havoc in my life when I discovered my seventeen year old daughter was deeply troubled: experimenting with alcohol and drugs, cutting herself, and suicidal.

Fear ruled every waking moment. Nervous anxiety filled my days. Insomnia ruled my nights. Tormented, sleep escaped me. When sleep did come, nightmares hitched a ride and robbed me of any true rest. How can you rest well when you’re terrified your beloved child might die by suicide before morning? Today, over sixteen years later, I still struggle with the heartless fear monster.

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Is fear ruling your life too much? Is that heartless dictator draining your life of joy? Can you remember the last time you slept peacefully? When you think about it, are you afraid to say no; afraid not to help; afraid to show your anger, hurt, or confusion; afraid of the unknowns, of what’s next, of not being in control; of having no guarantees; of them possibly losing their life? There’s plenty to fear. We need help! Where can we turn?

I turned to God. He led me to some truths and promises that helped. When I shifted my focus to them, instead of focusing on my fears, I began to change—even though the situation with my daughter didn’t change.

8 truths for a fearful heart:

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1. God is in control, even when it doesn’t look like it.
2. You are not alone.
3. You and your child are in His hands.
4. No matter what happens you will be okay.
5. With God’s help you can handle anything.
6. You can reach out to others for help.
7. You can reach out to God in prayer anytime, anywhere.
8. You can let go and let God work.

Al-Anon says, “We turn our will and our life over to the care of God . . .”

That is exactly what we must keep doing—over and over again.

8 Promises to Focus on:

1. I am not alone. God is with me and will never leave me or forsake me.

“God has said, ‘Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you’” (Hebrews 13:5b).

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand” (Isaiah 41:10a).

“And teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age” (Matthew 28:20).

2. God loves me and my child with an unfailing, eternal love.

“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life” (John 3:16).

3. I have all the help I need from the Holy Spirit—Helper, Advocate, Counselor, Comforter.

“And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Counselor to be with you forever”           (John 14:16).

4. Jesus prays for me all the time.

“Therefore he is able to save completely those who come to God through him, because he always lives to intercede for them” (Hebrews 7:25).

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5. God wants to help my child, will never stop seeking them. He does not want them to perish.

“The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance” (2 Peter 3:9).

6. God is patient and slow to anger with my child.

“And he passed in front of Moses, proclaiming, ‘The LORD, the LORD, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness” ’ (Exodus 34:6).

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud” (1 Corinthians 13:4).

7. God always hears my prayers.

“The LORD is far from the wicked but he hears the prayer of the righteous” (Proverbs 15:29).

8. God will give me the strength and endurance I need.

“He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall” (Isaiah 40:29-30).

Shifting your focus to these truths and promises, instead of focusing on your fears, can bring about some wonderful changes for your exhausted soul. You might experience a little more relief and peace like I did. Dear friend, that is my prayer.

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Recommended book and resources: Fearless by Max Lucado and Suicide Prevention Lifeline

I love hearing from you!! What helps you cope with fear??? Is there a book, Bible verse, or something else that has helped you? Please share in comments. We need each other!

**[This content can be found in the Appendix of our Hope for Hurting Parents Facilitator Guide and Parent Notebook, (coming soon in SPANISH!) the material we use for our support groups.]