7 Tips When Mother’s Day Hurts

Moms on a nightmarish parenting journey don’t look forward to this day. I know. I’ve been there. I dreaded the day. Mother’s Day only created increased sadness because it put a spotlight on what I didn’t have anymore. I wanted to skip it. Let’s fast-forward to Monday. I wasn’t going to receive any loving messages from my troubled daughter, much less a card or gift. What was there to celebrate?

Don’t Set Yourself Up for This

What about you? You may be sure you won’t see your child, much less have them greet you with affection, a card, or a thoughtful gift, like when they were young. They’re oblivious; too self-focused for loving gestures. They may not even realize it’s Mother’s Day.

What’s worse is their apathy. Clueless, they have no idea how their lack of care affects you.

Where does that leave you? It sets you up for more hurt and pain, more anger and resentment.

On Mother’s Day, I would long for the past. Do you? A little comfort can be found from old photo albums, visual reminders of happier times. Special memories flooded your thoughts from when your son or daughter was little and delighted in cuddling on your lap. They adored you back then. Can you even remember those moments? That was a long time ago.

We Can’t Go Back

We can’t rewind time and go back. We’re in a new place on our parenting journey—a place of shattered dreams. A point of change and heartache we never saw coming.

Wounds were inflicted—repeatedly. Soul-crushing disappointments have become the norm.

How did we get here, to this place of not wanting to face Mother’s Day, a day once filled with love and joy?

Soul Wounds are Difficult to Heal

Can we pray the pain away? I tried to, but it didn’t work, not that I didn’t try. I sought God every day, but the hurt hung on like an old Band-Aid that refused to let go, stubbornly clinging to my tender wounds … soul wounds.

Soul wounds are difficult to heal.

Dear brokenhearted mom, you’re grieving significant losses. But there IS a way to feel better, even if your child isn’t ready to change. You have no idea when or if that will happen. Until that day, I hope you find comfort in your sadness from this gentle reminder:

Your heavenly Father knows your anguish. He sees. He understands. He cares because He loves you deeply. He feels your pain and He is close. His heart is full of compassion for you. He’s praying for you right now.

What can you do today?

Try these 7 tips when Mother’s Day hurts:

1) Lower expectations. Better yet, try not to have any. This will prepare you for less hurt and fewer disappointments if the day doesn’t turn out the way you hoped.

2) Change traditions. Spend the day differently from the past. Start something new.

3) Make plans to do what you enjoy, even if you have to do it alone or with a friend. It’s okay to boycott the holiday.

4) Give yourself permission to feel your feelings. If you need to express sadness, create the space to shed tears. Resentful? Vent away. Let out your emotions. Holding them inside will only hurt you more.

5) If you’re angry, write a letter to your child expressing everything you want to say. Hold nothing back, then destroy it. Tear the paper into a million little pieces, cut it up, stomp on it, or burn it. Whatever feels most satisfying. This helps release anger and might prevent you from saying something you’d regret later.

6) Shift your focus. Instead of having a pity party or getting down on yourself, think about what you can be thankful for. You might start a gratitude list and add to it every day. Do something for someone in need. Show kindness. These are natural mood-lifters.

7) Remember how special and loved you are by God. He thinks you’re totally amazing, so amazing that He died for you.

For. You.

Hurting mom, if God had a refrigerator, your picture would be front and center, wrinkles, crooked teeth, gray hair, and all! To Him, you’re perfect in every way. One of a kind. His unique creation. You are the beloved of Christ; beautiful, adored, and precious in His eyes.

I hope this bible verse comforts your heart in a special way:

For great is his love toward us, and the faithfulness of the LORD endures forever. Praise the LORD (Psalms 117:2 NIV).

Recommended Resources:

An uplifting book – My Cup Overflows…with the Comfort of God’s Love by Emilie Barnes.

And this song might comfort you, too: Tell Your Heart to Beat Again by Danny Gokey