Has your son or daughter struggled with suicidal thoughts? Have they made an attempt to end their life? Maybe you know someone who has been impacted by suicide. Many of us do. They may have believed at least one of the lies in this blog post. My daughter struggled with suicidal thoughts, made attempts, and lost friends this way. If your answer to either of my questions was yes, then you know there is a huge need for greater understanding and less stigma.

Shedding Light on a Taboo Topic

We tend to hide the truth about a suicide attempt because of the shame, but help and compassion are needed, the same as for any other illness. It’s time to shed light on a taboo topic.

NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Illness, reports: Suicidal thoughts, much like mental health conditions, can affect anyone regardless of age, gender or background. In fact, suicide is often the result of an untreated mental health condition. Suicidal ideations, although common, should not be considered normal and often indicate more serious issues.

“In 2024, the United States experienced a significant rise in suicide rates, with over 49,300 deaths reported, an increase of 14.2% from 2022” according to AI. This statistic marks a troubling resurgence in mental health crises, leaving behind grieving family and friends to navigate the tragedy of this kind of loss. In many cases, those affected (suicide survivors) are left in the dark. Too often feelings of shame and stigma prevent them from talking openly. This should not be so.

September is National Suicide Prevention Awareness month. We want to share resources and stories in an effort to shed light on this highly taboo topic. Sharing resources and stories is important to ensure suicide survivors have access to help. Please know that NAMI is an excellent resource.

The following is a letter written by a mom, Beth Saadati, whose young daughter died by suicide. Beth wrote this for the general public to increase awareness and understanding. Her daughter was only 14 when she ended her life. This mother’s message is poignant and powerful for anyone, not just parents.

A Rare Gift

“Given the opportunity, Jenna wouldn’t make the same choice again. But she also wouldn’t want her death to be in vain. She would want us to learn from it so we can live as over-comers. As victors. Her letter and writings are a rare gift.”   -Dr. David Cox, counselor

“My thoughts reeled the day after Jenna’s death as a few close friends, my husband, and I braced ourselves for the reading of the three-page letter police had discovered on her thumb drive.

In shock, I heard the false accusations that had snaked their way into Jenna’s mind. Since then, I’ve reread the letter a hundred times and silently answered seven of the lies she believed.

Dear Family and Extended Family, (from Jenna)

I’m really sorry for leaving you like this. Honestly I am. During the last few months of my life I was incredibly depressed. You just didn’t notice since I put up a good front most of the time.

You probably want to know why on earth I decided to do this. .

The 7 Lies and Her Mom’s Responses

Lie #1: I’m a loser. Well, for some reason, ever since I turned twelve I’ve realized something—I was always a loser. Sure, I had a few friends, but overall everyone either ignored me, thought I was stupid, or outright hated me

Mom’s response: You weren’t, Jenna. You were spectacular, as your science teacher said. Lots of people liked you. Many of them really liked you. It’s just that, when depression settled in, it blinded you from seeing who you truly were, tainted your perception of the way you thought your peers viewed you, and deceived you into thinking others didn’t care.

Lie #2: I’m too unattractive or unpopular to be loved. Jenna’s belief: I don’t know what’s wrong with me to make me so unpopular. Yeah, I’m not pretty, but look at Eleanor Roosevelt, Dolly Madison, and some other girls I know. Nothing stops them from having happy lives.

Mom’s response: What teenage girl—or woman of any age—doesn’t struggle to feel like she measures up to the images that surround her? The truth is you were beautiful, even during those awkward early teen years. But even if you hadn’t been, your immeasurable worth has nothing to do with external beauty or any social-ladder rung.

Lie #3: Depression is a hopeless fight. Towards the end, I began to think that maybe I suffered from clinical depression. Well, maybe. So what could I do about it? Stay on Prozac all my life? Like that would work.

Mom’s response: The teen years, when a few difficult months can feel eternity-long, are especially hard. And depression is real. Many teens and adults struggle with it; it’s not something to be ashamed of. But depression also whispers a false narrative. It lies. An anti-depressant—sometimes needed only for a season—could have helped. Or counseling. Or something else. How I wish you had told us. Told someone. We would have battled the depression with you until you made it through.

Lie #4: I’m a burden. Mom and Dad, life will be easier now that you have one less child to pay for.

Mom’s response: Do you have any idea what your dad and I would give to have college tuition and medical school bills to pay? No price tag can be put on the value of one’s life. You weren’t a burden. You were our joy.

Lie #5: I’ve fulfilled my reason for being here. Maybe I’ve already accomplished my purpose and it’s time for me to go.

Mom’s response: You accomplished a lot in your short 14 years. But there was so much more—plans to give you a future and hope. It’s not even what you would have done though. It’s who you are and the lives you would have touched that can’t be replaced. You’ve left a hole that no one can fill.

Lie #6: I can’t hold on. I can’t get it across how sorry I am, but I’m not strong like you. I just couldn’t hold on any longer.

Mom’s response: Beloved, all of us struggle. We get hurt. We’re often broken and weak. Do you know how many times I’ve been face down, in tears, before the Father since you left? I’m not that strong. But God is here. He steps in. The promise is true: He never leaves or forsakes us. It’s enough to hold on one day at a time.

Lie #7: No one will miss me when I’m gone. To conclude, I’m sorry you guys will have to get over my loss. Really, it’s not that hard. It’s not like I’m unsaved or went on a killing spree or had that many friends.

Mom’s response: Having even one faithful friend in this world is a treasure. A gift. You had far more. But . . . it’s not that hard? It’s beyond-imagination hard. There are reminders of you everywhere I go. Your absence hurts. When you ended your life, it killed a part of everyone who loved you. The saying is right: Suicide is a life sentence for those who are left behind. Your presence—here—mattered far more than you knew. If only you hadn’t bought into the lies. Because you were loved, and we’ll never stop missing you.”

God, I pray for every bereft parent who reads this. Comfort and console their broken hearts. Help them find a reason to keep on living. Don’t let them succumb to despair. Help us speak truth like this to our struggling sons and daughters who suffer. May they feel seen and heard, know that they matter, and believe there IS hope. Help them refuse to believe lies like the ones Jenna did. They aren’t from You. They are from the enemy, Satan, who is out to steal, kill, and destroy (John 10:10), but Jesus came to give life and life abundant. Please save our children from taking the same path as Jenna. In Your mighty life-saving name. Amen.

May these words from the Bible bring comfort:

As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you; and you will be comforted over ______________ (Isaiah 66:13).

Resources: 

Night Falls Fast: Understanding Suicidee by Kay Redfield Jamison, a renowned clinical psychologist. She writes from personal experience as one who lives with bipolar disorder and has wrestled with suicidal ideation many times during her adult life.

Grieving a Suicide by Albert Hsu

Finding Your Way After the Suicide of Someone You Love by Biebel/Foster

No Time to Say Goodbye by Carla Fine

Among Lions: Fighting for Faith and Finding your Rest while Parenting a Child with Mental Illness by Kirsten Panachyda

American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (www.afsp.org) – offers support groups

The National Alliance on Mental Illness (www. nami.org)

The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline  Crisis Textline  741741

988  The new mental health hotline (replaces 911 for a mental health or subtance abuse crisis)

American Association of Suicidology – many resources for help